How Do You Break the Loop?

In my computer engineering work, I encounter looping failures. Sometimes, a program keeps iterating without processing anything. Sometimes, there are looping conflicts between data keys that prevent table inserts. The upshot in either case is inevitable: system failure.




I see the same thing happening in our thought processes. Our ability to recall is more sophisticated than any computer as we nurse and rehearse past grievances. And with that capacity comes the potential for psychological failure ranging from the unwillingness to trust and like ourselves and others to basket-case psychosis and collapse.

Memories of unpleasant events are real to us as we evoke those memories, and it is a flight from reality to discount or minimize those memories. But it seems to me that mental health depends on our ability to contain these phantoms sufficiently so that they don't disable our normal interactions with others. A computer system that cannot forget is worthless as eventually it runs out of memory. Our inability to forget can also disable us. So how do we allow ourselves to forget episodes in our distant past that by their nature have scarred us?

A few thoughts.

I think it takes firstly an act of will. I must decide that I cannot allow this or that event from the past to warp my happiness. It takes the realization that only I can be responsible for my happiness and who I am. I think it takes conversation and in some cases professional counseling. I think it takes faith as I cannot forget until I can forgive-- not just the people or the circumstances of my pain but myself for nurturing that pain against all reason. I think it takes self-reflection-- understanding of my strengths and limitations and the sources of my unhappiness.

The consequence of all this is to execute an effective plan to move beyond the bad memories into a more positive present. And I have found that often actions must be the horse that pulls the cart of attitudes-- that I must act before I can be-- that I must pretend to be courageous, loving, trusting, and likeable for me to be courageous, loving, trusting, and likeable.