Grief is a Lonely Road

My mother died earlier this month. I'm suspicious of advice other people give on how to deal with grief, as well-meaning and as well-informed as that advice may be. Just as death is unique for each person, the response each of us gives to the death of those we love is also just as unique. It is a road that we must largely walk alone-- a dark road with no sign posts and destination.

We must discover for ourselves what works and what doesn't work for us.

Some will find solace in prayer and the scriptures while yet others in toil and service and yet others in the company of others and in memories from the past. Lately, I've watched videos I took of mom up to fifteen years ago when our kids where young and thoughts of death were far from our minds. It was a pleasure to hear once again my mother's lilting laughter or her voice raised in song or see her carefree clap of her hands.

For me, dealing with grief is not so much an emotion as a choice. I choose not to let my grief effect my professional work. I choose not to let it effect my family, especially at this time of the year. I choose not to let the platitudes of people who in my mother's life had no love for her effect me as well. I choose not to be a slave to my sadness. And it is these choices that gives focus and direction as I proceed on my life's journey. The prayer of St. Francis of Assisi said it well: "O Divine Master. Grant that we may not so much seek to be consled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."

While grief is a lonely road, it is up to us whether or not we are alone. I am reminded of the great promise from the Bible "Casting all you cares on Him for He cares for you." And I'm also reminded of the lyrics from one of my favorite musical Carousel, reminding me that I need never be alone no matter the circumstances.

When you walk through a storm
Keep your chin up high
And don't be afraid of the dark.
At he end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark.

Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown.
Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone,
You'll never walk alone.