A Letter From Australia

My sister passed on this sad but insightful letter from an Australian cousin.

Dear Anne,

Thank you for including us in your conversation regarding your Mum and Dad's situation. I am so glad that you have your own family where you can revert to 'some nornality of life' and the accomplishments and joy of your own children and support from Wayne etc.

You know, because Aunty Cinda has come to visit us from time to time she has chatted with us and there are a couple of things I'd like to mention. I hope they bring some comfort as the resulting pain of the past will always be present for you all.

When our parents become so frail we are confronted by their humanness, we are confronted by their actions which have shaped our lives and we are confronted with ourselves and how we have coped or not coped with the paths our lives have taken, shaped by our parents. a simple example. (It was my mother who chose for me to be a kindergarten teacher and now that she is gone I no longer feel I can carry on with that job even though I have done it very successfully for years.)

I do trust your mother was able to tell each of you, Paul, Phillip, yourself and Tim that she held a very deep grief for sending you off to Boarding school at such young ages. It broke her heart I do believe.

You may ask why then did it happen - I would think possibly because it seemed right at the time within the context of how they chose to serve God.

Down through the years I have felt that you all must have felt so abandoned and always felt so sad for you. Once Aunty Cinda and Uncle Harold moved back to America, Aunty Cinda did all she could in her own way to reclaim that relationship but early childhood relationships can never be reclaimed to that same bond, and so she was very grieved in her soul. If she never told you how deeply she felt, I trust my telling you will help a little. Also our parents came from a generation where various issues were never talked about which has brought it's own grief as well.

Unfortunately the dictates of the interpretation of the religious framework which our parents chose to live by, meant that family was put aside in 'service for God.' Each of you will bear burdens from those early days - and it's easy to put "God" in that same box because in effect he didn't rescue you and change what was happening.

There's a wider view of God though -one of a God/ Christ who walks with us through our pain -My favourite story is Jesus walking on the road to Emaeus -He was not recognized until he was gone. Sometimes we don't see God in these things till we look back and realize in little ways how he was with us. The other thing was that your mother loved each one of you with the depth of love a real mother would love her children and it was because she loved you each one so dearly that it was a terrible burden for her to carry all those years for having sent you away.

I remember her saying about how awful it was to wave you off. Maybe she talked to you about these things -maybe she did not- If she didn't and even if she did. I hope it brings you comfort to know or to be reminded of your mothers great love for each of you.

What a sad a difficult path 'serving God' created for you. Thankfully each of you have your health and in sending you to America rather than Australia you are possibly better set up educationally and financially than if you'd come here to Australia. These are small compensations though for loss and grief.

Anne, I'd better not say more now. I hope this email doesn't make you too sad but rather reminds you that your Mum really loved you despite how it looked when sent off to school so young. You were her only daughter and I remember her saying how absolutely awful it was for her to say goodbye to you as well as to the boys of course.

Feel free to send this to your brothers if you feel it would help but don't if you feel it wouldn't be helpful. It is a time when the past and particularly the past of childhood will emerge in full force.Just remember that Jesus is there to walk beside you each one and carry you along through this sad and challenging time.