Signs You Need a New Doctor

He calls you at two in the morning "just to talk."

Instead of rubber surgical gloves he wears oven mitts.

He keeps accidentally referring to himself as "the defendant."

After examining you, he says, "Now do me."

He thinks Eastern Medicine was developed in Long Island.

He keeps referring to your legs as "drumsticks."

His examination room is Room 201 at the No-Tell Motel.

He introduces you to his anesthesiologist, "Doctor Jim Beam."

Before surgery, he asks if you want this "to go."

He tries to color your X-rays with crayons.