Religion and Child Behavior

I'm a father with two middle-school boys. One thing I try to do is watch for is families that seem to raise admirable children. These are children who have a wide circle of friends, strong self-esteem, that know what they want out of life, that have the inner motivation to excel at anything they want, that have the respect of peers and teachers, and that seem to be on a good path to future success. I also watch for families that seem to raise kids that go in the other direction, as a lessons learned in how not to raise kids. These are children who have little self-esteem, who are bullies and trouble-makers, who struggle academically, and who do not seem to have much interest in a good future.

Obviously, the vast majority of kids fall somewhere between these extremes. But, based on my observation, I hazard the following observation. The children that fall into the first group in distinction to the second group in terms of their religious background are not kids who lack no religion whatever-- parents who take the view that when their kids get of age, they can get a relgion if they want to -- or kids who have a fundamentalist background with lots of "don'ts" and strict religious indoctrination-- parents who force their kids to walk such a moral tight-rope that they will inevitable fall off-- but parents who have some religious traditions withut being overly excessive in their ethical demands.

Based on my somewhat limited obervation with children from parents of a variety of different religions and also the absence of religion, my conclusion is that the most desirable and wholesome children have a moderately religious background that guides the child and allows his or her values to incubate and that doesn't restrict the natural development of a child's conscience.

Your observation is clearly limited. Based on my own limited observations I could say the following.

...my conclusion is that the most desirable and wholesome children have had no religious background and have been guided by humanistic principles which allows them to develop a healthy respect for their societal responsibilities and the rights of others. (Such observations include my own three children incidentally.)

I'm just a curious parent, not a scientist. But you rise valid points. Certainly, the variables you raise are important. As a landlord of more than two decades, I have had the opportunity to look into people's lives more closely than many people, and my wife is a preschool teacher that yet gives another window into peoples lives.

It's possible that I've extrapolated from a sample that is far too small. However, on my children's behalf, I'm trying to be as pragmatic as possible, and let the evidence take me where it will. I'm perfectly willing also to concede that parents that raise well-adjusted kids may not necesserily invoke a religion per se but they do enforce some kind of a moral code within their own family that does much of the same thing. Thus, they may call themselves atheists while at the same time ensuring that their kids adhear to high and honorable ethical values. This is different that parents that are indifferent to any kind of a transmission of ethics be it in the guise of religion or using some other mechanism, although they may also describe themselves as atheists or not even use that word at all. Factors, such as education and ethnic background, may indeed inform whether it is the former rather than the latter.

I think you are groping tentatively towards a much more sensible approach in your last sentence. Well-adjusted children tend to come from stable, comfortable and loving backgrounds by and large and religious belief is largely irrelevant.